I
had always thought that having a man in my life was that which would “fulfill”
me in Jesus. So at those times in my life when I haven’t had a mate I went out
looking for “the one” to fill that role in my life.
Many
years, and many relationships, later, had left me unfulfilled both emotionally
and spiritually in this area of my life. But here I am going to begin a
dialogue on how a Christian woman of any age who finds herself either single or
single again can truly be fulfilled in all areas of their life. Fulfillment
doesn’t come from having another person to share your life. It comes from knowing
your place in the family of God and living your life according to His plan. And
I believe it is a part of God’s plan for most of us to be happily married, but
to partners of His choosing.
So
many are the mistakes of our youth, especially when we haven’t chosen to follow
Jesus as our Savior and Lord. Although I grew up in a Christian family and went
to church each time the door was open, I was not a true believer until just
after my 25th birthday. Also, my parents had no training in the Biblical
Courtship model with which to “train up” their children. So when it came to
relationships with the opposite sex we were not well educated and pretty much
left to our own defenses.
I
also had no one I felt I could trust to confide in, nor did I feel the need to
confide in anyone where matters of the heart were concerned. I was an Adult, so
I knew it all. At least I thought I did. So when it came to men, and a lot of
other decisions in my life, I made very poor choices. I “fell in Love” and
married three men who were abusive in a number of ways. And although I am not
an advocate of divorce, I felt I had God’s permission to divorce each of the
men for reasons that are not a part of this discussion, so I will not discuss
them here. Maybe that is a topic for a dialogue at a later date.
I
had always thought I believed in marriage being once and for all time. Now I
know I have the belief and conviction that marriage is to be a once in a
lifetime event. And when God blesses me with the mate He has chosen for me it
will be just that in my life.
Genesis
2:24 says; “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall
cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
The
Bible also says that God hates divorce, and if we are committed to following
His
path for our lives we shouldn’t have this word in our vocabulary, let alone
practice it. Moses did allow the Israelites to write a bill of divorcement for
certain offenses, but not as a general practice. And it was never God’s plan.
I
know we have all made mistakes, and if we have repented (turned our backs on
them and totally changed direction and our way of doing things). Then God says
we are new creatures. As new creatures we have new beginning and can learn new
ways of doing things. This new way of finding the right life mate, husband or
wife, is what I am proposing to share with you in our time together. So let’s
dig in and get on with it.
First
I want you to find a mentor of the same sex to share this journey with, someone
who is both wise and understanding. Someone more mature in their walk with
Jesus than you are at present, whom you feel is further down the path you are
about to travel. They should have a solid Christ-based marriage. This person will
be your spiritual partner through this new Journey, and quite possibly
throughout the rest of your life. So choose wisely and well.
They
should be a person of leadership who is solidly grounded in the Word and to
whom you will not be afraid to “spill you guts” on any and every subject, and I
do mean every, subject. This is because you will need to talk at length
through much of what we are going to share in this journey … and quite possible
to God’s choosing the right mate for you.
I
think this is a sound Biblical practice due to the words of Peter in 1 Peter
5:5, “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all [of you]
be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the
proud, and giveth grace to the humble.”
And
Titus 2:3-8 NIV (words in parenthesis mine, added for clarity), “Likewise teach
the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or
addicted to much wine (or other substances), but to teach what is good. Then
they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled
and pure, to be busy at home. To be kind, and to be subject (submissive, not
sub-servient) to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God. Similarly,
encourage the younger men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an
example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness,
and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you
may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.”
I
truly feel that this training and teaching should happen in our pre-teens and most
certainly by our early twenties. However some of us have missed out on it
either due to lack of Godly examples or because of our own acts of willfulness.
Whatever the case, these reasons have no bearing on the fact that we can and should
learn these things now. So I am going to share with you what God has been
sharing with me in the last few years.
Before
we continue, I’d like to share some scripture verses that have gotten me
through the many struggles of this new life in Jesus:
“But
they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up
with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and
not faint.” Isaiah 40:31.
This
waiting is a twofold waiting. It is not just waiting for God to do something in
you. It is a simultaneous waiting for God and waiting on God. This waiting on
God is performing acts of service, of ministry, in His name for the benefit of others.
This can be an actual job in the church or just meeting the needs of those in
your family or church body by donating your time to them. Cooking a meal, watching
their children, etc. The ministry possibilities are endless. And having an
active ministry can be a valuable part of following God’s plan for Him choosing
our life marriage partner.
The
other passage is in Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for
you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster,
to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If
you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.”
God
has planned our lives in their entirety from before the world was created. He
has good plans for each of us. But we have to earnestly seek His face. Seeking
a holy life in Jesus, committed to being submitted to His “will” and “plan” for
you is the place where a lifelong marriage commitment starts. You must first be
seeking to follow “hard after” Him and take that close walk with Him into your
future relationship with your friend who will ultimately become that lifelong mate.
We must learn to be content in our relationship with Jesus. Seeking to always
draw nearer to Him in order to learn how to relate in our possible, future
marriage relationship. Standing on the Higher Ground with Jesus is the only
place to start. And as we follow Him Higher and Higher still, He can direct us
to the perfect mate He has chosen for us or that perfect ministry of Serving In
Singleness!
So,
if you have blown it in past relationships or marriages and now find yourself
single again, God still has the perfect plan for the rest of your life. If you
are in need of repentance, you can fall on your face before God right where you
are and confess your sins to Him, ask for His forgiveness and make a change in
your heart, mind and life to live from today forward according to His plan for
you.
Now
if you are ready to begin this journey to the rest of your life, I want to
share something I feel is crucial for you to understand before we begin. If you
are to walk alongside a man as his partner for the rest of your life, Jesus has
chosen the “perfect mate” for you. He knew everything about your life before it
began and chose the right husband for you from the beginning of time. I think
scripture bears this “perfect mate” theory out in the story of Rebekah and
Isaac in Genesis 24:12-21. This is where Abraham’s servant went to Abraham’s
hometown to find a wife for Isaac. He was standing outside of town at the well
praying that God direct him to “the girl.” This passage says God answered his
prayer before he finished praying.
Even
if your mistakes have taken you through wrong relationships because you weren’t
taught, or didn’t learn, how to find God’s perfect mate it is not too
late. There is still time to learn and to follow the tried and proven method to
live a married life abundantly full of the “Joy of the Lord.” And while I won’t
promise you “happily ever after,” I will say you can have a marriage “made in heaven”
instead of being “made in Taiwan.”
Again,
if you are married presently this dialogue is not for you. It is strictly
intended to help single women to find God’s perfect will for their lives and
the way to finding a lifelong marriage partner, if that be His will. So if you
are married, you should look to your pastor for counseling on how to make the
partner you have “the one.” There is much you still can do to correct what may be
wrong in your marriage without divorcing.
Look
to God and Godly counsel to help you begin down the road to a more blissful
marriage.
But
for the rest of us single ladies, please stay tuned for what lies ahead on this journey to finding His perfect will, and if it is His plan,“the mate of
God’s choosing” in your life and in mine.
Reflections:
Here
I will pose a few questions to ponder and talk over with your spiritual mentor.
Those of you with no godly women close by whom you trust implicitly, you can
answer your questions below in the comments section.
I
also feel that you should each keep a notebook or journal for writing down
these questions and their answers. And to record your thoughts and prayers as
we travel this path together. Keeping a journal will also help you to recount
your thoughts with your mentor when you share these with her.
ALL
are welcome to share their thoughts and prayers here, too. I will deny no one,
unless they refuse to give their name. Anonymous comments will not be
published.
- Do you know God’s plan for your life?
- Are you waiting on God’s perfect mate for you?
- What does this mate look like to you, now, at this moment in your Christian Walk?
- How does the image of God’s chosen mate for you differ from the men you have chosen in your past?
- Begin now to let God do your choosing; whether it is for a mate and marriage, or for a life of serving Him in your singleness. Give these decisions over to the Lord right now in prayer.
Dear Lord …
