Activities for Growth - Life History

Intro

In this section, there will be several activities that we are going to complete to help us overcome our sinful nature. I would like you to complete these activities as you proceed through the lessons we are learning and not leave them all to complete after you have finished. By doing them throughout you will learn new tools for overcoming and making make changes in your heart and mind … even your very soul.

I also suggest that you play contemplative Christian music while you work on these activities. I find that music that is calming to your spirit, focuses your mind on the Lord and still allows you to think on the assignment helps me to get the most out of my projects. So find some music that puts you in a thoughtful frame of mind to listen to as you work through these activities.

Life History

Before beginning any life changes you should always take a look at where you have been and set goals to help you along the path to where you are going. So before we start looking for ways to conquer your sinful behavior(s), let’s take a walk down memory lane – your memories and those of your family and friends, too – let’s see if we can find changes in our thoughts and actions that may have been the impetus for our sinful ways.

Your Personal Time Line

Starting with your very beginning, the day you were born, write down at least two events or incidents that happened to you – or in your family – for each year of your life that caused you joy/happiness and that have caused you hurt/sorrow/anger. This activity should not be drawn out indefinitely, so work on getting as much info into your family history as you can in two weeks but aim for completion in about a week.

As I said, you don’t have to rely on your own memories. Draw from your parents, siblings and other family members as well as family friends for incidents and events in your family history during your lifetime.

What Should This Activity Look Like

We will want a large piece of poster board to draw out our timelines. On our graph, we will plot each year of our lives from birth to the present. For each year of your life, you will plot out two positives and two negative events/incidents listing when and where they occurred and a paragraph that summarizes any changes – for the better or the worse – that came from each of the events shown on our graphs.

While we are learning about our beginnings, we will want to write our history into our journals along with any changes in mood or behavior afterward that we believe may have started because of it. Your poster board will be the map of your history and your journal will hold its key.  Making this detailed record in our journals will help us later when we are sharing our thoughts on this history with our mentors later.

Sharing Your History

When we share our personal history with our mentors/advisors/counselors, they will help us to see things in it that aren’t clear to us at the moment. They will also have insight into how the events/incidents that we perceive as negative on us can have a positive impact on us now as well.

Reflections

Now that we have written our life’s history, let’s take a few moments to make a few notes on what we have learned from it.

1. What events or incidents in your life can you see that may have impacted your choice to deviate from God’s plan for sexual purity? 
2. Why?
3. How can you use these negative incidents into positives?

Prayer for Today

Writing your prayers down makes them more real. It gives them a permanence. So record your prayers on this activity in your journal/notebook.

Dear Lord,

Help me to use all things in my life – both positive and negative – to bring You glory. 

Help me …

Following Jesus Into The Heights

Though the cherry trees don’t blossom
    and the strawberries don’t ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
    and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
    and the cattle barns empty,
I’m singing joyful praise to God.
    I’m turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God’s Rule to prevail,
    I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
    I feel like I’m king of the mountain!

Habakkuk 3:17-19, the Message Bible

I had never looked at being single as a “gift” before I started working on this project.  I do feel that it can be a time of learning to trust Jesus in more, different and much deeper ways.  By developing such a close bond with Him that we are willing to do all that He may ask of us, it is an opportunity to truly “fall head over heels” in Love with our Savior and Lord.  This should be our first step on the journey we are about to take.

This time of growth is necessary before we will be ready for any new relationships, including but not limited to the spouse that God may be preparing for you.  Let’s make good use of this time so that we can learn all that we can retain and become the image of Jesus that He has called us to be.

This will also be a time of healing from the pain and damage done to our emotions and our spirits’ from the past relationships we have all had. In this way, we will be prepared for the relationship of a lifetime.  That most important relationship should be with Jesus first and foremost. And if He should bless us with a mate, then with the spouse He has chosen to share the rest of our lives will be the second most important relationship we have.

Where and how do we begin this new journey?  Let’s start by taking inventory* of the hurts and pain we are carrying in our hearts and minds.  We need to know where we are before we can start this, or any, journey.  I feel that you should have a notebook with you as we travel through this time together so that we can make a record of how far we have progressed along this new path.  It will be a valuable asset for assessing what things we need to change in our lives, what we can build on, what needs to be added and what He will need to cut away.

It is also a great way to record your progress along the way.  It will be important to share these milestones with your spiritual mentor or Women’s Pastor.  And believe me, you will want to do this at various times throughout our journey together.

Taking Inventory*

Taking inventory is a very personal matter that you may want to keep a record of in a journal or notebook; this is so that you can reflect on the growth made as we travel through this time of healing.  At the end of each chapter, there will be space to add your thoughts in the comments section.  There will also be questions to cause deeper reflection of the things we discuss along the pathway on our journey to the heights with Jesus.

As you make this inventory, take the time to look over the relationships of your past and take stock of the hurts you have caused, and the hurts you have suffered.  You will want to have time to seek forgiveness from God and those who have been wronged for the hurts you have caused.

This is also a time to give forgiveness to those who have caused you pain, in person if possible or by letter, if they don’t live close by or if you have any qualms about meeting them in person.

If you were publicly wronged, it should be a public forgiveness; if privately wronged, then a private meeting is the way to go.   If they have passed on you can also write a letter, seal it in an envelope and place it with your important documents. Or you may burn it afterward as a sacrifice to God. This will enable the forgiveness to be released within your being.

Jesus said in Mark 11:25, 26 that if we have aught (lit. nothing, this means if we think there may be something between us and a brother or sister) we should leave our gift – offering or sacrifice – at the altar and be reconciled with them so that God will, in turn, forgive us our sins. But if we are unforgiving God, too, will be unforgiving of our sins.

We all need to walk through this time of reviewing the hurts in our lives, for it is a time of healing.  A time of learning to trust Jesus to mend those painful wounds in our lives and in the lives of those whom we have hurt.

~*~ 

For the first two and a half years after I became single again, I was so wounded from my past relationships that I didn’t think I would ever, and I meant EVER want to be in a relationship with a man again, let alone get married.  “Marriage”, to me, had become a “four-letter-word.”  But after finding out what true relationship is all about – and receiving a lot of counseling, I have decided that if this is God’s plan for me, I would like to try it again …though His way this time.  And in that respect, I would be doing it right. 

In this time of healing and waiting upon the Lord, God wants to draw us closer in our relationship with Him. HE wants to draw us into deeper truths and show us the life, the true calling He has placed on each of our lives.  Here, I am reminded of what Aslan kept saying at the end of C. S. Lewis’ book, “The Last Battle”, “Further in and Higher up.”   He wants each of us to move further into His Kingdom and Higher up into His lap so that we can heal and grow; thus falling deeper and deeper in love with Him each and every day of our lives. To do this, we must find freedom from the bondage of our hurts – and the pain of our unforgiveness – before we can loose ourselves into the total oneness with Jesus that He is calling us to.

If you are new to the path of forgiveness, no worries, God is able to instruct you in the right ways to seek the forgiveness of others and to give forgiveness to those whom you have wronged.  When I was learning to be forgiving and to accept forgiveness, I spent time in concentrated prayer for those I had wronged and those who I felt had wronged me; sometimes fasting, other times I would not refrain from eating and drinking.

I also made time with my spiritual mentor – who was our Women’s Pastor – so that we could work through all the emotions I went through as a result of learning to walk the pathway of forgiveness. This was very complex and draining time for me, so again I encourage you to have a spiritual mentor available to assist you in this new area of learning.  Your mentor should be someone you can trust implicitly with any and every secret, for by the end of your healing there should be no secrets between you and her of any kind.  Also, as they will be privy to these former secrets, they should be of the same gender and more spiritually mature than you.  I would not suggest you take your best girlfriend as your confidant, as it may leave you open to another type of pain in later days. 

Both my mentor and I kept notes (journals) of the things I was learning and my progress along the path. I recorded my feelings and insights, songs of praise and scripture verses that were helpful to me during this journey.  They are reminders of my learning process and fill me with renewed joy as I review them, as I am sure they will be to you. 

There will be times you may want to share the entries you have recorded in this volume with her – or have a separate journal – or section of your journal – to record those things you specifically choose to share.

Later in your walk, as you grow into maturity, you may want to share your journey with someone else who is traveling that pathway you had formerly trod. She will be comforted to know that someone she is acquainted with has walked this path before her and survived.

*See the Activities for Growth, Life History Post*

 Reflections:

At this point in each chapter, I will add questions for your reflection. You may want to add these and your answers to them to your journal so that you can look back and see how much you have grown toward maturity in Jesus.

Your Prayers:

In your journal you may want to write your specific prayer requests out as letters to the Lord so that you have a record of what you have asked God for during this journey. If you would like, you may share them in the comments here too, and I – and others who join us in The Way – will add your requests to our prayers, too.

Single Again ... This Time Waiting on the Lord

I had always thought that having a man in my life was that which would “fulfill” me in Jesus. So at those times in my life when I haven’t had a mate I went out looking for “the one” to fill that role in my life.

Many years, and many relationships, later, had left me unfulfilled both emotionally and spiritually in this area of my life. But here I am going to begin a dialogue on how a Christian woman of any age who finds herself either single or single again can truly be fulfilled in all areas of their life. Fulfillment doesn’t come from having another person to share your life. It comes from knowing your place in the family of God and living your life according to His plan. And I believe it is a part of God’s plan for most of us to be happily married, but to partners of His choosing.

So many are the mistakes of our youth, especially when we haven’t chosen to follow Jesus as our Savior and Lord. Although I grew up in a Christian family and went to church each time the door was open, I was not a true believer until just after my 25th birthday. Also, my parents had no training in the Biblical Courtship model with which to “train up” their children. So when it came to relationships with the opposite sex we were not well educated and pretty much left to our own defenses.

I also had no one I felt I could trust to confide in, nor did I feel the need to confide in anyone where matters of the heart were concerned. I was an Adult, so I knew it all. At least I thought I did. So when it came to men, and a lot of other decisions in my life, I made very poor choices. I “fell in Love” and married three men who were abusive in a number of ways. And although I am not an advocate of divorce, I felt I had God’s permission to divorce each of the men for reasons that are not a part of this discussion, so I will not discuss them here. Maybe that is a topic for a dialogue at a later date.

I had always thought I believed in marriage being once and for all time. Now I know I have the belief and conviction that marriage is to be a once in a lifetime event. And when God blesses me with the mate He has chosen for me it will be just that in my life.

Genesis 2:24 says; “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

The Bible also says that God hates divorce, and if we are committed to following

His path for our lives we shouldn’t have this word in our vocabulary, let alone practice it. Moses did allow the Israelites to write a bill of divorcement for certain offenses, but not as a general practice. And it was never God’s plan.

I know we have all made mistakes, and if we have repented (turned our backs on them and totally changed direction and our way of doing things). Then God says we are new creatures. As new creatures we have new beginning and can learn new ways of doing things. This new way of finding the right life mate, husband or wife, is what I am proposing to share with you in our time together. So let’s dig in and get on with it.

First I want you to find a mentor of the same sex to share this journey with, someone who is both wise and understanding. Someone more mature in their walk with Jesus than you are at present, whom you feel is further down the path you are about to travel. They should have a solid Christ-based marriage. This person will be your spiritual partner through this new Journey, and quite possibly throughout the rest of your life. So choose wisely and well.

They should be a person of leadership who is solidly grounded in the Word and to whom you will not be afraid to “spill you guts” on any and every subject, and I do mean every, subject. This is because you will need to talk at length through much of what we are going to share in this journey … and quite possible to God’s choosing the right mate for you.

I think this is a sound Biblical practice due to the words of Peter in 1 Peter 5:5, “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all [of you] be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.”

And Titus 2:3-8 NIV (words in parenthesis mine, added for clarity), “Likewise teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine (or other substances), but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home. To be kind, and to be subject (submissive, not sub-servient) to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God. Similarly, encourage the younger men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.”

I truly feel that this training and teaching should happen in our pre-teens and most certainly by our early twenties. However some of us have missed out on it either due to lack of Godly examples or because of our own acts of willfulness. Whatever the case, these reasons have no bearing on the fact that we can and should learn these things now. So I am going to share with you what God has been sharing with me in the last few years.

Before we continue, I’d like to share some scripture verses that have gotten me through the many struggles of this new life in Jesus:

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31.

This waiting is a twofold waiting. It is not just waiting for God to do something in you. It is a simultaneous waiting for God and waiting on God. This waiting on God is performing acts of service, of ministry, in His name for the benefit of others. This can be an actual job in the church or just meeting the needs of those in your family or church body by donating your time to them. Cooking a meal, watching their children, etc. The ministry possibilities are endless. And having an active ministry can be a valuable part of following God’s plan for Him choosing our life marriage partner.

The other passage is in Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.”

God has planned our lives in their entirety from before the world was created. He has good plans for each of us. But we have to earnestly seek His face. Seeking a holy life in Jesus, committed to being submitted to His “will” and “plan” for you is the place where a lifelong marriage commitment starts. You must first be seeking to follow “hard after” Him and take that close walk with Him into your future relationship with your friend who will ultimately become that lifelong mate. We must learn to be content in our relationship with Jesus. Seeking to always draw nearer to Him in order to learn how to relate in our possible, future marriage relationship. Standing on the Higher Ground with Jesus is the only place to start. And as we follow Him Higher and Higher still, He can direct us to the perfect mate He has chosen for us or that perfect ministry of Serving In Singleness!

So, if you have blown it in past relationships or marriages and now find yourself single again, God still has the perfect plan for the rest of your life. If you are in need of repentance, you can fall on your face before God right where you are and confess your sins to Him, ask for His forgiveness and make a change in your heart, mind and life to live from today forward according to His plan for you.

Now if you are ready to begin this journey to the rest of your life, I want to share something I feel is crucial for you to understand before we begin. If you are to walk alongside a man as his partner for the rest of your life, Jesus has chosen the “perfect mate” for you. He knew everything about your life before it began and chose the right husband for you from the beginning of time. I think scripture bears this “perfect mate” theory out in the story of Rebekah and Isaac in Genesis 24:12-21. This is where Abraham’s servant went to Abraham’s hometown to find a wife for Isaac. He was standing outside of town at the well praying that God direct him to “the girl.” This passage says God answered his prayer before he finished praying.

Even if your mistakes have taken you through wrong relationships because you weren’t taught, or didn’t learn, how to find God’s perfect mate it is not too late. There is still time to learn and to follow the tried and proven method to live a married life abundantly full of the “Joy of the Lord.” And while I won’t promise you “happily ever after,” I will say you can have a marriage “made in heaven” instead of being “made in Taiwan.”

Again, if you are married presently this dialogue is not for you. It is strictly intended to help single women to find God’s perfect will for their lives and the way to finding a lifelong marriage partner, if that be His will. So if you are married, you should look to your pastor for counseling on how to make the partner you have “the one.” There is much you still can do to correct what may be wrong in your marriage without divorcing.

Look to God and Godly counsel to help you begin down the road to a more blissful marriage.

But for the rest of us single ladies, please stay tuned for what lies ahead on this journey to finding His perfect will, and if it is His plan,“the mate of God’s choosing” in your life and in mine.

Reflections:

Here I will pose a few questions to ponder and talk over with your spiritual mentor. Those of you with no godly women close by whom you trust implicitly, you can answer your questions below in the comments section.

I also feel that you should each keep a notebook or journal for writing down these questions and their answers. And to record your thoughts and prayers as we travel this path together. Keeping a journal will also help you to recount your thoughts with your mentor when you share these with her.

ALL are welcome to share their thoughts and prayers here, too. I will deny no one, unless they refuse to give their name. Anonymous comments will not be published.

1. Do you know God’s plan for your life?
2. Are you waiting on God’s perfect mate for you?
3. What does this mate look like to you, now, at this moment in your Christian Walk?
4. How does the image of God’s chosen mate for you differ from the men you have chosen in your past?
5. Begin now to let God do your choosing; whether it is for a mate and marriage, or for a life of serving Him in your singleness. Give these decisions over to the Lord right now in prayer.

Dear Lord …